The Hard Truth About Most Therapy

It pains me to write this ... Nevertheless ... After reading hundreds of comments (or should I say complaints) about this mental health topic on YouTube, I must relent.  For most people, finding a truly competent therapist is a nightmare.  I, too, was one of those people.  Looking after an elderly father with dementia during the Covid lockdown left me with a classic case of complex PTSD.  My intensive search for a therapist was brutal.  The one clinician who accepted my insurance needed more help than I did.  After 6 months of trying to "make it work", I unceremoniously fired her.  No apologies, no regret, except that I hadn't done it sooner.

Most therapists mean well, but most clinical social workers and many master's level clinicians really do not have the educational background and training to provide much beyond light counseling. They are unable to offer the kind of care those with complex (C)PTSD and serious mental health issues like complex grief, chronic debilitating depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia need.  Often, there is no collaborative process, sessions lack structure, and there are no treatment goals. And after 6 months of asking, "So, how are you doing?", therapists often become disinterested and distracted keeping the person stuck, especially if they have serious loss and life transition issues they struggling to grapple with.  No therapy is better than a bored, apathetic therapist.

Most master's level clinicians are not adequately trained to treat severe personality disorders, CPTSD, or psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia, in their basic education.  This requires supervision and advanced, specialized training beyond licensure.  No therapist is, or can be, all things to all people. 

The long stream of comments I continuously read on social media about bad experiences and outcomes in therapy break my heart.  Thank you to all the YouTubers for telling the truth.  I want everyone here reading this to grab a hold of something fundamental.  No matter what mental health dilemma you find yourself going thru, you have value and worth, and are deserving of the best care available.  You must advocate for yourself.  If a therapist's methods aren't working, tell the truth.  How they respond will speak volumes.  If they can't hear you, ignore your concerns, or become dismissive, then terminate.  Please do not waste anymore time and money, and keep searching. 

The purpose of this blog is to assist those seeking mental health services, resources, and information. All counties in the USA have a local county Department of Mental Health Services. Start there. Some walk in clinics even have specific hours where you don't need an appointment to be seen.  Ask for referrals.  Don't forget to try peer support, such as 12 Step programs, which can be a life saver.  Links to these resources and many others are on the front page of this blog.

Lastly, if you've had a bad experience in therapy, I love to hear about in the comments.  What happened, how did you handle it?  Let us know.

 

 

 

All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

Are You Suffering From (C)PTSD and Don't Know It?

 Are You Suffering From (C)PTSD and Don't Know It?

New blog post coming soon ... watch for it ...

 

All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

About Belief Systems

Ego, Illusion, & Reality - The Short Story

About the current political chaos ... 

 Ordinarily,  I do not opine about current events and politics.  That is not the purpose of this blog.  But ... Let me offer this. "They" do not "want" anything other than doing what they "believe" is "right". We are in a constitutional crisis that started during Covid, when censorship reached monumental proportions on both sides of the aisle. All humans have a "belief system" that they create to cope with life. Therefore, what one person believes is "right" may be "believed to be wrong" by another. This is the concept of Duality. We ALL create Illusions about what we believe to convince ourselves we are "right". This is Ego. It reigns now and forever more. 

Our country will be tested over and over. It is the way of humans to grab for power and control. Think for yourself and don't get caught up in "Group Think". Governments and institutions will always try to impose power structures for control. I might believe you are "wrong", but I will fight for your right to choose your belief system and create your own reality as you see fit - as long as it sustains my right to choose my belief system, as well. This is the only way.

So the next time you are tempted to convince someone they are "wrong", remember they think exactly the same way about you.

All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

"Taming the Amygdala" - Say What!??

 New Blog Post -  Taming the Amygdala.

 Coming soon ... 

 

All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

What's Fun Got To Do With It?

What's Fun Got To Do With It?  Asking the Right Questions

Sometimes our mental health hinges on asking the right questions. When experiencing a bout of depression or anxiety, it may become easy to pathologize our current state i.e., view our condition as psychologically unhealthy or abnormal.  Certainly, in the present day environment of being trauma-informed, it seems like all the focus is on healing childhood "wounds" or grieving losses in adulthood.  But, what if it wasn't as complicated as all that?  What if we've been asking the wrong questions?  What if focusing on how bad we feel, or our anxiety was better dealt with by making a slight shift in our mindset?  This is where the question: What's Fun Got To Do With It? comes in.

When was the last time you had a roaring belly laugh?  Or grinned from ear-to-ear so hard your face hurt?  When was the last time you intentionally set out to have fun?  Do you even know what fun feels like anymore?  Fun is a necessary prelude to joy.  Fun brings us lightheartedness.  Fun is a giant stress reliever.  It resets our nervous system and offers a coffee break from becoming over focused on the negative.  Fun is a respite from the daily grind of life's responsibilities and chores.  Fun and laughter bond us to the people we care about and creates memories we share together.  Fun brings us back into balance and shifts our perspective making life worthwhile.  Fun eliminates the drudgery we can get caught up in when we work too hard.  Fun helps recharge and rejuvenate our physical energy.  It can also provide the space we need to shift into problem solving mode, instead of endlessly ruminating.

Just like getting enough sleep can reduce stress and anxiety levels, fun makes it easier to cope with emotional challenges.  There's something to be said for gallows humor.  At the end of his life, my father developed Lewy-Body dementia.  In our morning phone call, I would always ask him, "What's going on?", and he would reply, "You're asking me?".  Even though my Dad's memory was slowly waning, he never lost his sense of humor and was able to laugh at himself to keep going.

Here's a challenge for you.  Make a list of the top ten activities that make you laugh, smile, giggle, or feel joy.  Make sure to add silly nonsensical items to the list.  Then the next time you feel super anxious or depressed, pull out this list and do the quickest activity you can manage in the moment.  Take time to lighten up, put your emotions into perspective, and recognize not all negative feelings mean we are suffering from ongoing trauma or wounds.  

Here's my top ten list of fun mental health activities:

1.   Watch YouTube videos of the Beatles. 

2.   Joy ride in the car to my favorite rock-n-roll tunes.

3.   Watch the sunset over the beach.

4.   Pull goofy faces in the mirror.

5.   Watch dance videos on YouTube.

6.   Go to a Comedy Open Mic night.

7.   Tell Knock-Knock jokes to my friends.

8.   Pull a prank or practical joke on a friend.

9.   Listen to an oldie but goody AM radio station.

10.  Make up irreverent words to my favorite songs.

You get the point.  I leave you with a laugh track video from my YouTube channel. 

A fun laugh track from a sketch comedy improv writing session with my friend, Stan. 

In loving memory of Stan Fleisher, soulmate and running partner.  May he RIP.

 

************************************************************

If you found value or have benefited from this post, I would love to hear from you below in the comments.

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel below for more uplifting mental health content. 

Living Large Coaching & Counseling Channel

All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

Those Pesky Things Called Feelings

Turn a Bad Day into A Good Day - Managing Feelings

When life or people become frustrating or unmanageable, it's natural to feel emotional, annoyed, and even succumb to acting out.  But afterwards we may experience a morning-after, "emotional hangover", when faced with the consequences of our ill guided actions.  In a fury of frustration, eating an entire bag of chips in front of the TV or sending out a nasty email feels so good in the moment!  Yet, what's left 24 hours later is mostly self-recrimination and collective misery.  No one feels good.  Like a compound fracture, an annoying situation becomes broken in two places - packing on the pounds or damaging a relationship only piles on icky feelings of guilt and remorse making a bad situation worse.  "What was I thinking?!!" is hardly a good platform from which to assess what happened in going forward.  Having a stomach ache or losing a relationship isn't helpful either.

Loss of control is the result of being hypnotized by the powerful pull of negative emotions and distractions i.e., eating junk food, spouting off, spending money you don't have, etc. Then, like any trance state, the momentary "high" wears off.  Those feelings of annoyance and frustration will eventually ebb away no matter what.  What do you want to have to show for it after, something positive or something negative?   It's totally up to you.  True power comes from self-control and positive distractions.  Take a deep breath, take a walk around the block. You get a time-out with the added bonus of a positive payoff - burn off a few calories.

Imagine feeling good, staying peaceful in the midst of frustrating circumstances.  It is possible!  However, it does require some effort and conscious thought that can be difficult to muster when you are upset.  Negative emotions induce a trance-like state that hinders good judgment.  Cultivating inner peace takes practice, but is absolutely worth it!

The secret is having positive distractions planned ahead to fend off making a catastrophic situation out of a bad moment. Then, when a negative emotion or situation pops up, it won't take over and kill your impulse control by making you reach for that bag of chips or lashing out in anger.  

 

 

Plan ahead to positively distract yourself!  Stock the fridge with healthy foods, i.e., grab a piece of watermelon.  Or dark chocolate.  Share your frustration with an impartial individual who can offer good judgment and objective feedback.  Or, help someone out.  Random acts of kindness for yourself and others are a quick and dirty way to feel better and rack up time well spent.

Annoyances and frustration are an inevitable part of life.  Getting angry and making yourself (and others) suffer by making things worse is NOT.  Just ask yourself: How do I want to distract myself here?  How do I want manage myself and my emotions?  Positively or negatively?  The good news is it's up to you. Like a well developed muscle, peace takes practice.  And, I'm loving that watermelon.

Practicing Peace in Times of Chaos

Practicing Peace - Thriving in Difficult Times and Chaos

 
There seems to be a spike in crime, anxiety, and depression ...

Everyone, please keep your cool, call a friend, do some yard work, spring clean, meditate, BE KIND.  I know what I have to do when I get this Stressed. I have to TUNE OUT and find my center.

I turn EVERY THING OFF - people, news, FB, the phone, etc.
I make no apologies ... this is my anxiety management. I come back to center and meditate.

The thoughts in my head are my worst enemy ... FEAR will run rampant, if I let it.

When I become still ...

I hear the songbirds singing, the rain sounds soothing, the Earth is waking up ... the sun came up, the world is still turning ...

No one is complaining and I find myself again, my strength, my inner core, my ability to heal, my belief that all is as it should be and every one is my teacher, not the enemy.

I set my intention to believe in the best of everyone and LET GO OF WHAT I CANNOT CONTROL.

All of this takes PRACTICE.  Because ... We become what we practice.
And yes, the Inner Peace I take time to cultivate, takes over in time.
And no, this doesn't mean I run from my feelings.

 

Emotions are like the phases of the moon.

They wax and wane, moving in and out like the tides.

 

 

I acknowledge how I feel, then I practice maintaining inner calm; instead of ruminating or hypnotizing myself into a state of panic, which I can easily do.

You can manage your emotions and even thrive during difficulties, but you have to be
willing to practice and not let your emotions take over and your imagination run wild.

If you want peace, you must practice peace. Try it. 

 

Make it your mission to master peace
in this time of trial.

If you like this post or need mental health resources like my FB page here:

 

Resources on Facebook

https://facebook.com/LivingLargeCoaching/

All Content Copyright LLCC

A Light in the Echos of Darkness

When Tragedy or Disappointment Strikes

 

I feel compelled to write something, do something, say something about the world today, and recent events, you all know what I mean.  But, I am at a loss.  Because I feel helpless, even though I know I'm not.  What I do know is I will spend the rest of my life at least trying to bring some peace to unrest and healing to others trauma.  As a Christian, it's all that is in Jesus that I love.  Every day, I aspire to what he taught about non-judgement and love.  Still, I fall short every day; and more often than I like, I miss the mark in struggling with my own Ego.  Yet, I keep on.  I invite everyone to use social media, FB, and other platforms wisely and judiciously, instead of perpetrating ugliness and division.  Civility and respect have been lost (especially in politics), and two wrongs never make a right.  Your neighbor is YOUR neighbor.  The President is OUR President.  WE, yes, we are all in this thing called, Life, together, as people, as human beings.  We only have THIS moment, to share with each other, and no other.

So ... Please practice self-control in your thoughts and actions. My parents and grandparents lived and preached self-control, which seems so lost in society today.   Hiding behind a phone screen makes it too easy to take others to task. It matters what you bring to the world - your energy, your attitude are contagious - please make it kind and considerate, be a light in the echos of the darkness in the sad events of our day.

All photos Copyright LLC 2019