Giving 'Til Hurts? Going Into Debt? Don't Do It! Try this instead ...

 A Unique Gift Giving Guide

 

This year, I am moved to write on the topic of gift giving.  It involves how I have come to develop and hone my special blend of gift giving habits into the spirit of a more significant and meaningful holiday venture. May my experience help you re-think about going into debt and over extending yourself this coming holiday season,.

 

Let's talk Black Friday. The epitome of this culture's Mass Psychosis of Consumerism. Long ago, I stepped away from this mass hysteria; I loathe shopping and the expectations this commercial consumption mindset entails and the debt economy it proliferates that only results in going broke, getting fat, and creating the illusion that more, more, more is the way to achieve happiness. 

 

It's not that I don't give gifts. But those gifts usually arrive on my doorstep via the synchronicity of the Universe.  At the right time and the right place.  Something that crosses my path and comes to me specifically because it was meant for you. A unique gift only you will like and appreciate. Most of the time, these items cost me virtually nothing.  Or, the cost is so miniscule, the price is worth paying to acquire this gift for your delight. These precious gifts accumulate all year long and don't cost me huge chunks of time and money to find. They come to me thru various means in daily life from numerous activities.  A closeout sale, a bookstore, a library sale, a garage sale, or maybe ebay and Etsy.  I never pay full price, the discount is part of the charm of the find.  

 

 

All Images Original Artwork by Me

 

When you receive such a gift, you know it is an expression of my love and gratitude for you. And I expect nothing in return on such an occasion. My joy is in giving you something special - uniquely meant for you and this is enough. You know that your presence is alive in my thoughts and consciousness, and this is the best gift of all.  Maybe I have a special gift stashed away for you right now.  

 

The added bonus is that I get to avoid the holiday rush and craziness of parking lots, crowded stores, overworked store clerks and grumpy shoppers.  And this is the most priceless gift of all.  A relaxed, peaceful holiday season and no bloated debt and anxiety with buyer's remorse.  I look forward to sharing the holiday festivities with you all!

 

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Panic Attacks - A Master Class

An Apple a Day Keeps SAD Away: Winter Comfort Food - Brown Apple Betty Recipe

Make Winter Weary, Winter Cheery

It's cold.  It's dark.  It's dreary.  Yes, it's winter and the spectacular fall colors have faded into memory, as the days grow shorter and shorter and gray overcast days seem more like one long lingering night.  If you're feeling down or depressed, you may be experiencing a touch of seasonal affect disorder (SAD) - a condition brought on by a lack of sunlight and shortened daylight hours.  Life can seem like a chore getting through the days waiting for spring.  The moon hangs low in the sky above the snow, a tiny beacon of light.

The single quickest, easiest thing you can do to alleviate the "winter blues" is to get outside for at least 15 minutes a day.  Bundle up and go for a quick walk (even if it's cloudy), the natural light will boost your mood and get you moving in a forward direction again.

Also, SAD tends to exacerbate and magnify any issues or struggles you may be going through.  Life can seem overwhelming for many people at this time of year.  Grief, loss of loved ones, hardships, etc., can feel unbearable and you can't participate in the holiday spirit.  Coaching or counseling can help bring things back into their proper perspective.   

Learn more about SAD here:  
What is SAD? Diagnosis and Treatment - National Institute Mental Health

You may also experience the need to over eat, especially over the holidays.  A full belly of holiday cheer feels good.  Warm comfort food offsets the chill and baking becomes a pleasant past time.

After grocery shopping one cold December night while dinner was cooking, I whipped up a new recipe I call, Brown Apple Betty, from inception to finish in about half an hour.  Some bruised and aging apples called from the bottom of the frig, so I concocted this perfect recipe for apples a bit past their prime for just eating.

Indulging in dessert can be made healthier with a few adjustments to those old time recipes Grandma used to make.  My Brown Apple Betty is Vegan Friendly - no animal or dairy products and gluten-free!  And it still tastes like Mom's good ole fashion apple pie (minus the crust).  Enjoy hot straight from the oven or cold as a quick midnight snack.

Brown Apple Betty - Vegan Friendly, Gluten-Free

Ingredients:

• 8 medium sized sliced Apples of the sweeter variety, with the skin

• 3 TBSP Lemon Juice

• 1/3 cup Organic Raw Turbinado Sugar

• 1/3 cup Buckwheat Pancake Mix

• 1/3 cup  Old Fashion Rolled Oats

• 1/3 cup chopped Walnuts

• 1/3 cup Crisco Shortening (or 1/2 stick Butter, for non-vegans)

• 1 tsp Cinnamon

• 1 cup cold water

• Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 325°.

• Lightly coat the bottom of a 13 x 9 ceramic or glass baking pan with olive oil.

• Place one layer sliced apples at the bottom of the pan, spread evenly.

• Sprinkle 1 TBSP lemon juice over apples and toss to mix.

• In a separate bowl, combine the sugar, pancake mix, Crisco, cinnamon and oats

  (can substitute granola OR muesli).

• Cut Crisco into dry ingredients until well blended and pebbly.
• Add walnuts and mix well.

• Spoon mixture over the apples in the pan. Place another layer atop this using
  remaining apples.

• Sprinkle 2 TBSP lemon juice over apples. Spoon remaining mixture over the apples.

• Cover with aluminum foil forked with tines to make holes and vent.

• Bake on 325° until apples soften, about 25 - 30 minutes.

• Add 1/2 cup water and toss apples to moisten. Add water if needed.

• Bake until mixture becomes bubbly about another 15 - 20 minutes.

• Add 1/2 cup water (more if needed) and toss apples to moisten.

• Bake until mixture becomes soft, bubbly and apples are tender to fork, about another 

  15 - 20 minutes.

• Remove from oven and allow to cool 10 minutes before serving.

• May be served warm or cold, and can be topped with ice cream or whipped cream.

* Makes 10 servings Brown Apple Betty

Healthy Particulars:

• For this recipe, I used Honey Crisp, Cortland, and Empire apples, sweeter varieties that allowed for using less sugar. 
• The Buckwheat pancake mix and oats add lots of healthy fiber and are gluten-free. 
•  Vegan Friendly - no dairy or animal products.
• Walnuts add essential Omega 3 fatty acids. 
• Baking longer at lower temperatures, 325 degrees, and covering the pan maintains the moisture content which merries the different ingredients together more slowly and creates a thicker, richer flavor than baking at 375 degrees or higher.

• Coating the bottom of the pan with Olive Oil reduces the Crisco content with a healthier unsaturated fat. 
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If you think you have SAD, reach out for help.  Many resources are available, call your PCP doctor, get counseling, etc. If you don't where to turn, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) free hot line:

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Learn more about SAMHSA's mental health resources here

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If you enjoyed this recipe or this article please leave a comment below. I'd love to hear from you!  I'm here to help! I'm available for counseling and coaching - simply reach out here with your request.

How You Can Support My Mission

How You Can Support My Mission & This Blog 

Maintaining a mental health blog with up-to-date information, articles, and resources can be labor intensive.  It is a labor of love with the goal of making mental heath support and help more accessible during a time when finding help can be difficult and confusing.

 

Finding a good therapist can be challenging at best.  You can read my recent article on that topic here: The Hard Truth About Most Therapy 

 

I have resisted monetizing this blog through Google Ads because the ads are so annoying and take up large amounts of valuable readership space better used for my original purposes.

 

This is why I have added the option of making a voluntary donation, i.e., Buy Me a Coffee. 

 

Your donation will help this blog achieve its singular mental health mission, minus outside advertisers.  Meaning, it will continue to serve you instead of outside interests.

Your generosity will empower us to create positive change in our community by offering this updated self-help tool. 

There is a convenient QR code or Donation Button below:

 

Thank you for your generous support! 

Much gratitude for your kindness and believing in me.  Your donation truly matters. 

Cindy

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We Have Lost Our Way - How do we get back?

As a society, as a collective, as a nation, and a world, we have lost our way. We have lost our ability to disagree and still peacefully co-exist together as fellow humans, who can love one another despite our differences. We have lost our ability to be humans together and derive a common purpose for being in community.

For every human who perishes in an early death from violence, be it war, gun violence, perpetrated murder, etc., I shed tears of sadness about the enduring pain and loss this causes for a family and our society. Dear God, how did we get to a place where our grandchildren cannot be safe in school? Why is loneliness an epidemic?

My take on this is that the computer and social media has created a depersonalized atmosphere where becomes easier and easier to dehumanize our fellow humans and "blame" everyone else for life's difficulties. This creates excuses to act out in violent ways, ignoring the consequences for our actions.

My dear father always told me, two wrongs don't make a right. Retaliation, revenge, and senseless opposition serves no one. Especially our young people. Our greatest power comes from our power to choose.

Today, I am asking you to stop arguing with people you disagree with and find some common ground. Stop reacting and choose to respond to others that fosters community and relationship. Let's stop fostering toxic reactions to circumstances we cannot control. Let's be grateful to be alive and be here together, instead of squandering our time picking other people apart.

Tomorrow, I will write about how I accomplish living this on a daily basis. For today, I'm asking you to join me in recreating a civil and polite society. We can do this. And make no mistake, it will save lives.

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The Hard Truth About Most Therapy

It pains me to write this ... Nevertheless ... After reading hundreds of comments (or should I say complaints) about this mental health topic on YouTube, I must relent.  For most people, finding a truly competent therapist is a nightmare.  I, too, was one of those people.  Looking after an elderly father with dementia during the Covid lockdown left me with a classic case of complex PTSD.  My intensive search for a therapist was brutal.  The one clinician who accepted my insurance needed more help than I did.  After 6 months of trying to "make it work", I unceremoniously fired her.  No apologies, no regret, except that I hadn't done it sooner.

Most therapists mean well, but most clinical social workers and many master's level clinicians really do not have the educational background and training to provide much beyond light counseling. They are unable to offer the kind of care those with complex (C)PTSD and serious mental health issues like complex grief, chronic debilitating depression, panic disorder, and agoraphobia need.  Often, there is no collaborative process, sessions lack structure, and there are no treatment goals. And after 6 months of asking, "So, how are you doing?", therapists often become disinterested and distracted keeping the person stuck, especially if they have serious loss and life transition issues they are struggling to grapple with.  In the end, no therapy is better than a bored, apathetic therapist.

Most master's level clinicians are not adequately trained to treat severe personality disorders, (C)PTSD, or psychotic disorders, such as schizophrenia, in their basic education.  This requires supervision and advanced, specialized training beyond licensure.  No therapist is, or can be, all things to all people. 

The long stream of comments I continuously read on social media about bad experiences and outcomes in therapy break my heart.  Thank you to all the YouTubers for telling the truth.  I want everyone here reading this to grab a hold of something fundamental.  No matter what mental health dilemma you find yourself going thru, you have value and worth, and are deserving of the best care available.  You must advocate for yourself.  If a therapist's methods aren't working, tell the truth.  How they respond will speak volumes.  If they can't hear you, ignore your concerns, or become dismissive, then terminate.  Please do not waste anymore time and money, and keep searching. 

The purpose of this blog is to assist those seeking mental health services, resources, and information. All counties in the USA have a local county Department of Mental Health Services. Start there. Some walk in clinics even have specific hours where you don't need an appointment to be seen.  Ask for referrals.  Don't forget to try peer support, such as 12 Step programs, which can be a life saver.  Links to these resources and many others are on the front page of this blog.

Lastly, if you've had a bad experience in therapy, I love to hear about in the comments.  What happened, how did you handle it?  Let us know.

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Are You Suffering From (C)PTSD and Don't Know It?

 Are You Suffering From (C)PTSD and Don't Know It?

New blog post coming soon ... watch for it ...

 

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About Belief Systems

Ego, Illusion, & Reality - The Short Story

About the current political chaos ... 

 Ordinarily,  I do not opine about current events and politics.  That is not the purpose of this blog.  But ... Let me offer this. "They" do not "want" anything other than doing what they "believe" is "right". We are in a constitutional crisis that started during Covid, when censorship reached monumental proportions on both sides of the aisle. All humans have a "belief system" that they create to cope with life. Therefore, what one person believes is "right" may be "believed to be wrong" by another. This is the concept of Duality. We ALL create Illusions about what we believe to convince ourselves we are "right". This is Ego. It reigns now and forever more. 

Our country will be tested over and over. It is the way of humans to grab for power and control. Think for yourself and don't get caught up in "Group Think". Governments and institutions will always try to impose power structures for control. I might believe you are "wrong", but I will fight for your right to choose your belief system and create your own reality as you see fit - as long as it sustains my right to choose my belief system, as well. This is the only way.

So the next time you are tempted to convince someone they are "wrong", remember they think exactly the same way about you.

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"Taming the Amygdala" - Say What!??

 New Blog Post -  Taming the Amygdala.

 Coming soon ... 

 

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What's Fun Got To Do With It?

What's Fun Got To Do With It?  Asking the Right Questions

Sometimes our mental health hinges on asking the right questions. When experiencing a bout of depression or anxiety, it may become easy to pathologize our current state i.e., view our condition as psychologically unhealthy or abnormal.  Certainly, in the present day environment of being trauma-informed, it seems like all the focus is on healing childhood "wounds" or grieving losses in adulthood.  But, what if it wasn't as complicated as all that?  What if we've been asking the wrong questions?  What if focusing on how bad we feel, or our anxiety was better dealt with by making a slight shift in our mindset?  This is where the question: What's Fun Got To Do With It? comes in.

When was the last time you had a roaring belly laugh?  Or grinned from ear-to-ear so hard your face hurt?  When was the last time you intentionally set out to have fun?  Do you even know what fun feels like anymore?  Fun is a necessary prelude to joy.  Fun brings us lightheartedness.  Fun is a giant stress reliever.  It resets our nervous system and offers a coffee break from becoming over focused on the negative.  Fun is a respite from the daily grind of life's responsibilities and chores.  Fun and laughter bond us to the people we care about and creates memories we share together.  Fun brings us back into balance and shifts our perspective making life worthwhile.  Fun eliminates the drudgery we can get caught up in when we work too hard.  Fun helps recharge and rejuvenate our physical energy.  It can also provide the space we need to shift into problem solving mode, instead of endlessly ruminating.

Just like getting enough sleep can reduce stress and anxiety levels, fun makes it easier to cope with emotional challenges.  There's something to be said for gallows humor.  At the end of his life, my father developed Lewy-Body dementia.  In our morning phone call, I would always ask him, "What's going on?", and he would reply, "You're asking me?".  Even though my Dad's memory was slowly waning, he never lost his sense of humor and was able to laugh at himself to keep going.

Here's a challenge for you.  Make a list of the top ten activities that make you laugh, smile, giggle, or feel joy.  Make sure to add silly nonsensical items to the list.  Then the next time you feel super anxious or depressed, pull out this list and do the quickest activity you can manage in the moment.  Take time to lighten up, put your emotions into perspective, and recognize not all negative feelings mean we are suffering from ongoing trauma or wounds.  

Here's my top ten list of fun mental health activities:

1.   Watch YouTube videos of the Beatles. 

2.   Joy ride in the car to my favorite rock-n-roll tunes.

3.   Watch the sunset over the beach.

4.   Pull goofy faces in the mirror.

5.   Watch dance videos on YouTube.

6.   Go to a Comedy Open Mic night.

7.   Tell Knock-Knock jokes to my friends.

8.   Pull a prank or practical joke on a friend.

9.   Listen to an oldie but goody AM radio station.

10.  Make up irreverent words to my favorite songs.

You get the point.  I leave you with a laugh track video from my YouTube channel. 

A fun laugh track from a sketch comedy improv writing session with my friend, Stan. 

In loving memory of Stan Fleisher, soulmate and running partner.  May he RIP.

 

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Those Pesky Things Called Feelings

Turn a Bad Day into A Good Day - Managing Feelings

When life or people become frustrating or unmanageable, it's natural to feel emotional, annoyed, and even succumb to acting out.  But afterwards we may experience a morning-after, "emotional hangover", when faced with the consequences of our ill guided actions.  In a fury of frustration, eating an entire bag of chips in front of the TV or sending out a nasty email feels so good in the moment!  Yet, what's left 24 hours later is mostly self-recrimination and collective misery.  No one feels good.  Like a compound fracture, an annoying situation becomes broken in two places - packing on the pounds or damaging a relationship only piles on icky feelings of guilt and remorse making a bad situation worse.  "What was I thinking?!!" is hardly a good platform from which to assess what happened in going forward.  Having a stomach ache or losing a relationship isn't helpful either.

Loss of control is the result of being hypnotized by the powerful pull of negative emotions and distractions i.e., eating junk food, spouting off, spending money you don't have, etc. Then, like any trance state, the momentary "high" wears off.  Those feelings of annoyance and frustration will eventually ebb away no matter what.  What do you want to have to show for it after, something positive or something negative?   It's totally up to you.  True power comes from self-control and positive distractions.  Take a deep breath, take a walk around the block. You get a time-out with the added bonus of a positive payoff - burn off a few calories.

Imagine feeling good, staying peaceful in the midst of frustrating circumstances.  It is possible!  However, it does require some effort and conscious thought that can be difficult to muster when you are upset.  Negative emotions induce a trance-like state that hinders good judgment.  Cultivating inner peace takes practice, but is absolutely worth it!

The secret is having positive distractions planned ahead to fend off making a catastrophic situation out of a bad moment. Then, when a negative emotion or situation pops up, it won't take over and kill your impulse control by making you reach for that bag of chips or lashing out in anger.  

 

 

Plan ahead to positively distract yourself!  Stock the fridge with healthy foods, i.e., grab a piece of watermelon.  Or dark chocolate.  Share your frustration with an impartial individual who can offer good judgment and objective feedback.  Or, help someone out.  Random acts of kindness for yourself and others are a quick and dirty way to feel better and rack up time well spent.

Annoyances and frustration are an inevitable part of life.  Getting angry and making yourself (and others) suffer by making things worse is NOT.  Just ask yourself: How do I want to distract myself here?  How do I want manage myself and my emotions?  Positively or negatively?  The good news is it's up to you. Like a well developed muscle, peace takes practice.  And, I'm loving that watermelon.

Practicing Peace in Times of Chaos

Practicing Peace - Thriving in Difficult Times and Chaos

 
There seems to be a spike in crime, anxiety, and depression ...

Everyone, please keep your cool, call a friend, do some yard work, spring clean, meditate, BE KIND.  I know what I have to do when I get this Stressed. I have to TUNE OUT and find my center.

I turn EVERY THING OFF - people, news, FB, the phone, etc.
I make no apologies ... this is my anxiety management. I come back to center and meditate.

The thoughts in my head are my worst enemy ... FEAR will run rampant, if I let it.

When I become still ...

I hear the songbirds singing, the rain sounds soothing, the Earth is waking up ... the sun came up, the world is still turning ...

No one is complaining and I find myself again, my strength, my inner core, my ability to heal, my belief that all is as it should be and every one is my teacher, not the enemy.

I set my intention to believe in the best of everyone and LET GO OF WHAT I CANNOT CONTROL.

All of this takes PRACTICE.  Because ... We become what we practice.
And yes, the Inner Peace I take time to cultivate, takes over in time.
And no, this doesn't mean I run from my feelings.

 

Emotions are like the phases of the moon.

They wax and wane, moving in and out like the tides.

 

 

I acknowledge how I feel, then I practice maintaining inner calm; instead of ruminating or hypnotizing myself into a state of panic, which I can easily do.

You can manage your emotions and even thrive during difficulties, but you have to be
willing to practice and not let your emotions take over and your imagination run wild.

If you want peace, you must practice peace. Try it. 

 

Make it your mission to master peace
in this time of trial.

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A Light in the Echos of Darkness

When Tragedy or Disappointment Strikes

 

I feel compelled to write something, do something, say something about the world today, and recent events, you all know what I mean.  But, I am at a loss.  Because I feel helpless, even though I know I'm not.  What I do know is I will spend the rest of my life at least trying to bring some peace to unrest and healing to others trauma.  As a Christian, it's all that is in Jesus that I love.  Every day, I aspire to what he taught about non-judgement and love.  Still, I fall short every day; and more often than I like, I miss the mark in struggling with my own Ego.  Yet, I keep on.  I invite everyone to use social media, FB, and other platforms wisely and judiciously, instead of perpetrating ugliness and division.  Civility and respect have been lost (especially in politics), and two wrongs never make a right.  Your neighbor is YOUR neighbor.  The President is OUR President.  WE, yes, we are all in this thing called, Life, together, as people, as human beings.  We only have THIS moment, to share with each other, and no other.

So ... Please practice self-control in your thoughts and actions. My parents and grandparents lived and preached self-control, which seems so lost in society today.   Hiding behind a phone screen makes it too easy to take others to task. It matters what you bring to the world - your energy, your attitude are contagious - please make it kind and considerate, be a light in the echos of the darkness in the sad events of our day.

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