If You Are Grieving - What's Normal, What's Not.

Most clinical models and mental health manuals do not off a realistic summary of real grief.  Far as I can tell, these definitions appear to have been written by those who've never lost someone close.  At 4 to 6 months you are still in shock, especially if it was a sudden death.  Year 2 is the WORST.  The shock has worn off and reality is setting. You live every day with it in your face that you are never going to see this person again.  All the support people provided in year 1 is gone. No one wants to hear about your grief anymore.  This agony can go well into year 3. 

At year 4, there is some acceptance.  The pain begins to dull a bit, the hurt turns to a reluctant new normal with memories that evoke gratitude for the person that was.  The hole inside begins to close up and the rawness isn't so fresh.  But, you are never the same.  Grief bursts continue to erupt without warning, sometimes intensely.  Grief never really ends.  Please know that at 6 months your process of grieving has only begun. And that is normal.  It takes your brain time to rewire and adapt to a new reality.  A reality not of our own making, that cannot be undone.  It is the utter permanence of the loss (or losses) that drives grief.  The landscape of our lives has been altered, and there's a missing piece that's irreplaceable forever.

So however you grieve and for however long, know that there is no time line or end point; life just morphs and evolves until a new normal emerges that is unpredictable and unknowable until we are there.

 Share your thoughts on grief in the comments below. 

 All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

Buy Me a Coffee: Express Your Support

September is National Suicide Prevention Month: About Suicide & Mental Health Stigma

September is National Suicide Prevention Month. 

Please help share this resource, as you never know whose life you might save. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24/7 at: 1-800-273-8255.

https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 

 

Mental health stigma still has us in the Dark Ages

Boot Straps Stoicism has killed more people than anything I know in the form of alcoholism, addiction, suicide, and the long slow death of denial and (C)PTSD.  Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are not illnesses to be scorned or defects of character - they are neuro-psychological responses to extreme stress in numerous forms that affect every one differently and are NOT to be shamed by ignorant bystanders who would lay judgments on people struggling.

While it's getting better, mental health stigma still persists like a bad dream, even today. So, while addiction and suicide rates climb, competent qualified mental health professionals are at a premium, and often difficult to find in rural areas and small towns.  Good mental health care can be found if you know where to look.  The search is worth the effort, and this blog has a number of links on our home page to get you started.

Self-Help Strategies

 

If you are struggling with mental health symptoms and are uncomfortable seeking a therapist, counselor, or life coach, then get out a notebook, and START WRITING.  Write whatever comes into your head, don't censor it, and UNLOAD.  When the paper owns it, you'll be able to look at it and see yourself more clearly.  This is the first step to well being.

No one knows better than you do what you are thinking and feeling, and the pen and paper are your vehicle to clear the channel, especially if you are bogged down in hopelessness, feelings of despair and raging emotion.  Remember, suicide is permanent, and feeling wretched might feel like it will last forever, but if the paper becomes your friend, then you can process those feelings and move thru them.  Being emotionally stuck is like being constipated, something has got to come out.
 

What about online coaching & therapy?

Studies have shown that online therapies can be quite effective for those dealing with suicidal thoughts. Even texting can be an effective intervention. What's important is reaching out for help, instead of suffering and staying stuck because it seems like there's nowhere to turn.

Below is a link to an interesting scientific article on suicide prevention.  If you're feeling over whelming symptoms of distress, as outlined below, please seek professional mental health care.  There's no need to be miserable and suffer endlessly alone!

 

 

Suicide Prevention and Texting: Easier Than You Might Think

Text Following Hospital Discharge Suicide Intervention 

 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5745353/

 

 

Stages of Change - Why We Fail

Are you having difficulty making a needed change? Quitting smoking, losing 20 pounds, ending a toxic relationship, stopping that social media doom scrolling, etc.? You know what I mean. You "know you should stop", but you don't, can't, or won't. And with every failed attempt, you feel bad, beat yourself up, and then eat another Twinkie.

Welcome to the human race. All the insight in the world rarely leads to permanent behavior change. We know we should, if only we could. But, don't despair, change can and does happen in a very patterned and predictable way. It's all well documented by the Stages of Change Theory* (see link below). 

 Stages of Change - Why We Fail

And once you understand the process, it can help you along the way. You're not defective, or a failure. It's only that we tend to underestimate the effort required to create lasting change and it's easier to fall back into old patterns. Once we understand the stages of change, we can more easily make successful attempts to reach a goal.

In a future article, I will outline my experience going thru the stages of change to quit smoking. Until then, get acquainted with the stages of change.

*Reference: Raihan N, Cogburn M. Stages of Change Theory. [Updated 2023 Mar 6]. In: StatPearls [Internet]. Treasure Island (FL): StatPearls Publishing; 2026 Jan-. National Library of Medicine.  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556005/

All Rights Reserved, Copyright
Living Large Coaching & Counseling
It's Your Life. Your Evolution.

Buy Me a Coffee: Express Your Support