What's Fun Got To Do With It?

What's Fun Got To Do With It?  Asking the Right Questions

Sometimes our mental health hinges on asking the right questions. When experiencing a bout of depression or anxiety, it may become easy to pathologize our current state i.e., view our condition as psychologically unhealthy or abnormal.  Certainly, in the present day environment of being trauma-informed, it seems like all the focus is on healing childhood "wounds" or grieving losses in adulthood.  But, what if it wasn't as complicated as all that?  What if we've been asking the wrong questions?  What if focusing on how bad we feel, or our anxiety was better dealt with by making a slight shift in our mindset?  This is where the question: What's Fun Got To Do With It? comes in.

When was the last time you had a roaring belly laugh?  Or grinned from ear-to-ear so hard your face hurt?  When was the last time you intentionally set out to have fun?  Do you even know what fun feels like anymore?  Fun is a necessary prelude to joy.  Fun brings us lightheartedness.  Fun is a giant stress reliever.  It resets our nervous system and offers a coffee break from becoming over focused on the negative.  Fun is a respite from the daily grind of life's responsibilities and chores.  Fun and laughter bond us to the people we care about and creates memories we share together.  Fun brings us back into balance and shifts our perspective making life worthwhile.  Fun eliminates the drudgery we can get caught up in when we work too hard.  Fun helps recharge and rejuvenate our physical energy.  It can also provide the space we need to shift into problem solving mode, instead of endlessly ruminating.

Just like getting enough sleep can reduce stress and anxiety levels, fun makes it easier to cope with emotional challenges.  There's something to be said for gallows humor.  At the end of his life, my father developed Lewy-Body dementia.  In our morning phone call, I would always ask him, "What's going on?", and he would reply, "You're asking me?".  Even though my Dad's memory was slowly waning, he never lost his sense of humor and was able to laugh at himself to keep going.

Here's a challenge for you.  Make a list of the top ten activities that make you laugh, smile, giggle, or feel joy.  Make sure to add silly nonsensical items to the list.  Then the next time you feel super anxious or depressed, pull out this list and do the quickest activity you can manage in the moment.  Take time to lighten up, put your emotions into perspective, and recognize not all negative feelings mean we are suffering from ongoing trauma or wounds.  

Here's my top ten list of fun mental health activities:

1.   Watch YouTube videos of the Beatles. 

2.   Joy ride in the car to my favorite rock-n-roll tunes.

3.   Watch the sunset over the beach.

4.   Pull goofy faces in the mirror.

5.   Watch dance videos on YouTube.

6.   Go to a Comedy Open Mic night.

7.   Tell Knock-Knock jokes to my friends.

8.   Pull a prank or practical joke on a friend.

9.   Listen to an oldie but goody AM radio station.

10.  Make up irreverent words to my favorite songs.

You get the point.  I leave you with a laugh track video from my YouTube channel. 

A fun laugh track from a sketch comedy improv writing session with my friend, Stan. 

In loving memory of Stan Fleisher, soulmate and running partner.  May he RIP.

 

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Those Pesky Things Called Feelings

Turn a Bad Day into A Good Day - Managing Feelings

When life or people become frustrating or unmanageable, it's natural to feel emotional, annoyed, and even succumb to acting out.  But afterwards we may experience a morning-after, "emotional hangover", when faced with the consequences of our ill guided actions.  In a fury of frustration, eating an entire bag of chips in front of the TV or sending out a nasty email feels so good in the moment!  Yet, what's left 24 hours later is mostly self-recrimination and collective misery.  No one feels good.  Like a compound fracture, an annoying situation becomes broken in two places - packing on the pounds or damaging a relationship only piles on icky feelings of guilt and remorse making a bad situation worse.  "What was I thinking?!!" is hardly a good platform from which to assess what happened in going forward.  Having a stomach ache or losing a relationship isn't helpful either.

Loss of control is the result of being hypnotized by the powerful pull of negative emotions and distractions i.e., eating junk food, spouting off, spending money you don't have, etc. Then, like any trance state, the momentary "high" wears off.  Those feelings of annoyance and frustration will eventually ebb away no matter what.  What do you want to have to show for it after, something positive or something negative?   It's totally up to you.  True power comes from self-control and positive distractions.  Take a deep breath, take a walk around the block. You get a time-out with the added bonus of a positive payoff - burn off a few calories.

Imagine feeling good, staying peaceful in the midst of frustrating circumstances.  It is possible!  However, it does require some effort and conscious thought that can be difficult to muster when you are upset.  Negative emotions induce a trance-like state that hinders good judgment.  Cultivating inner peace takes practice, but is absolutely worth it!

The secret is having positive distractions planned ahead to fend off making a catastrophic situation out of a bad moment. Then, when a negative emotion or situation pops up, it won't take over and kill your impulse control by making you reach for that bag of chips or lashing out in anger.  

 

 

Plan ahead to positively distract yourself!  Stock the fridge with healthy foods, i.e., grab a piece of watermelon.  Or dark chocolate.  Share your frustration with an impartial individual who can offer good judgment and objective feedback.  Or, help someone out.  Random acts of kindness for yourself and others are a quick and dirty way to feel better and rack up time well spent.

Annoyances and frustration are an inevitable part of life.  Getting angry and making yourself (and others) suffer by making things worse is NOT.  Just ask yourself: How do I want to distract myself here?  How do I want manage myself and my emotions?  Positively or negatively?  The good news is it's up to you. Like a well developed muscle, peace takes practice.  And, I'm loving that watermelon.

Practicing Peace in Times of Chaos

Practicing Peace - Thriving in Difficult Times and Chaos

 
There seems to be a spike in crime, anxiety, and depression ...

Everyone, please keep your cool, call a friend, do some yard work, spring clean, meditate, BE KIND.  I know what I have to do when I get this Stressed. I have to TUNE OUT and find my center.

I turn EVERY THING OFF - people, news, FB, the phone, etc.
I make no apologies ... this is my anxiety management. I come back to center and meditate.

The thoughts in my head are my worst enemy ... FEAR will run rampant, if I let it.

When I become still ...

I hear the songbirds singing, the rain sounds soothing, the Earth is waking up ... the sun came up, the world is still turning ...

No one is complaining and I find myself again, my strength, my inner core, my ability to heal, my belief that all is as it should be and every one is my teacher, not the enemy.

I set my intention to believe in the best of everyone and LET GO OF WHAT I CANNOT CONTROL.

All of this takes PRACTICE.  Because ... We become what we practice.
And yes, the Inner Peace I take time to cultivate, takes over in time.
And no, this doesn't mean I run from my feelings.

 

Emotions are like the phases of the moon.

They wax and wane, moving in and out like the tides.

 

 

I acknowledge how I feel, then I practice maintaining inner calm; instead of ruminating or hypnotizing myself into a state of panic, which I can easily do.

You can manage your emotions and even thrive during difficulties, but you have to be
willing to practice and not let your emotions take over and your imagination run wild.

If you want peace, you must practice peace. Try it. 

 

Make it your mission to master peace
in this time of trial.

If you like this post or need mental health resources like my FB page here:

 

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A Light in the Echos of Darkness

When Tragedy or Disappointment Strikes

 

I feel compelled to write something, do something, say something about the world today, and recent events, you all know what I mean.  But, I am at a loss.  Because I feel helpless, even though I know I'm not.  What I do know is I will spend the rest of my life at least trying to bring some peace to unrest and healing to others trauma.  As a Christian, it's all that is in Jesus that I love.  Every day, I aspire to what he taught about non-judgement and love.  Still, I fall short every day; and more often than I like, I miss the mark in struggling with my own Ego.  Yet, I keep on.  I invite everyone to use social media, FB, and other platforms wisely and judiciously, instead of perpetrating ugliness and division.  Civility and respect have been lost (especially in politics), and two wrongs never make a right.  Your neighbor is YOUR neighbor.  The President is OUR President.  WE, yes, we are all in this thing called, Life, together, as people, as human beings.  We only have THIS moment, to share with each other, and no other.

So ... Please practice self-control in your thoughts and actions. My parents and grandparents lived and preached self-control, which seems so lost in society today.   Hiding behind a phone screen makes it too easy to take others to task. It matters what you bring to the world - your energy, your attitude are contagious - please make it kind and considerate, be a light in the echos of the darkness in the sad events of our day.

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An Apple a Day Keeps SAD Away: Winter Comfort Food - Brown Apple Betty Recipe

Make Winter Weary, Winter Cheery

It's cold.  It's dark.  It's dreary.  Yes, it's winter and the spectacular fall colors have faded into memory, as the days grow shorter and shorter and gray overcast days seem more like one long lingering night.  If you're feeling down or depressed, you may be experiencing a touch of seasonal affect disorder (SAD) - a condition brought on by a lack of sunlight and shortened daylight hours.  Life can seem like a chore getting through the days waiting for spring.  The moon hangs low in the sky above the snow, a tiny beacon of light.

The single quickest, easiest thing you can do to alleviate the "winter blues" is to get outside for at least 15 minutes a day.  Bundle up and go for a quick walk (even if it's cloudy), the natural light will boost your mood and get you moving in a forward direction again.

Also, SAD tends to exacerbate and magnify any issues or struggles you may be going through.  Life can seem overwhelming for many people at this time of year.  Grief, loss of loved ones, hardships, etc., can feel unbearable and you can't participate in the holiday spirit.  Coaching or counseling can help bring things back into their proper perspective.   

Learn more about SAD here:  
What is SAD? Diagnosis and Treatment - National Institute Mental Health

You may also experience the need to over eat, especially over the holidays.  A full belly of holiday cheer feels good.  Warm comfort food offsets the chill and baking becomes a pleasant past time.

After grocery shopping one cold December night while dinner was cooking, I whipped up a new recipe I call, Brown Apple Betty, from inception to finish in about half an hour.  Some bruised and aging apples called from the bottom of the frig, so I concocted this perfect recipe for apples a bit past their prime for just eating.

Indulging in dessert can be made healthier with a few adjustments to those old time recipes Grandma used to make.  My Brown Apple Betty is Vegan Friendly - no animal or dairy products and gluten-free!  And it still tastes like Mom's good ole fashion apple pie (minus the crust).  Enjoy hot straight from the oven or cold as a quick midnight snack.

Brown Apple Betty - Vegan Friendly, Gluten-Free

Ingredients:

• 8 medium sized sliced Apples of the sweeter variety, with the skin

• 3 TBSP Lemon Juice

• 1/3 cup Organic Raw Turbinado Sugar

• 1/3 cup Buckwheat Pancake Mix

• 1/3 cup  Old Fashion Rolled Oats

• 1/3 cup chopped Walnuts

• 1/3 cup Crisco Shortening (or 1/2 stick Butter, for non-vegans)

• 1 tsp Cinnamon

• 1 cup cold water

• Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Directions:

• Preheat oven to 325°.

• Lightly coat the bottom of a 13 x 9 ceramic or glass baking pan with olive oil.

• Place one layer sliced apples at the bottom of the pan, spread evenly.

• Sprinkle 1 TBSP lemon juice over apples and toss to mix.

• In a separate bowl, combine the sugar, pancake mix, Crisco, cinnamon and oats

  (can substitute granola OR muesli).

• Cut Crisco into dry ingredients until well blended and pebbly.
• Add walnuts and mix well.

• Spoon mixture over the apples in the pan. Place another layer atop this using
  remaining apples.

• Sprinkle 2 TBSP lemon juice over apples. Spoon remaining mixture over the apples.

• Cover with aluminum foil forked with tines to make holes and vent.

• Bake on 325° until apples soften, about 25 - 30 minutes.

• Add 1/2 cup water and toss apples to moisten. Add water if needed.

• Bake until mixture becomes bubbly about another 15 - 20 minutes.

• Add 1/2 cup water (more if needed) and toss apples to moisten.

• Bake until mixture becomes soft, bubbly and apples are tender to fork, about another 

  15 - 20 minutes.

• Remove from oven and allow to cool 10 minutes before serving.

• May be served warm or cold, and can be topped with ice cream or whipped cream.

* Makes 10 servings Brown Apple Betty

Healthy Particulars:

• For this recipe, I used Honey Crisp, Cortland, and Empire apples, sweeter varieties that allowed for using less sugar. 
• The Buckwheat pancake mix and oats add lots of healthy fiber and are gluten-free. 
•  Vegan Friendly - no dairy or animal products.
• Walnuts add essential Omega 3 fatty acids. 
• Baking longer at lower temperatures, 325 degrees, and covering the pan maintains the moisture content which merries the different ingredients together more slowly and creates a thicker, richer flavor than baking at 375 degrees or higher.

• Coating the bottom of the pan with Olive Oil reduces the Crisco content with a healthier unsaturated fat. 
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If you think you have SAD, reach out for help.  Many resources are available, call your PCP doctor, get counseling, etc. If you don't where to turn, call the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's (SAMHSA) free hot line:

SAMHSA’s National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Learn more about SAMHSA's mental health resources here

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If you enjoyed this recipe or this article please leave a comment below. I'd love to hear from you!  I'm here to help! I'm available for counseling and coaching - simply reach out here with your request.

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

Annual Mental Health Wellness Checkup Quiz

May is designated Mental Health Awareness Month.  Mental Health Awareness Month was established in 1949 to increase public awareness of the importance of addressing our mental health needs and to decrease the stigma surrounding the need for help. 

What does this mean for you?  Have you checked in with your mental health status lately?  Would you even know how to do that? 

Take my Annual Mental Health Wellness Checkup Quiz and see how you're doing.  

10 Questions - Covers Mental, Emotional, Physical, & Spiritual Health

1. How are you feeling today, really? How have you been feeling over the last 6 months?  Physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

2. What’s taking up most of your headspace right now?  What's keeping you up at night?  

3. How are your eating habits?  Are you taking time to eat nutritious meals or living on fast food and junk snacks?  Have you been drinking enough water? 

4. How have you been sleeping?  Is lack of sleep impacting your ability to function? 

5. What have you been doing for exercise?  Recreation?  Relaxation?

6.  Are you holding in a lot of anger, resentment, or unforgiveness?  Carrying grudges?

7.  When's the last time you felt really good about yourself?  Your life?  The future?

8.  Are feeling stuck or overwhelmed by what you need to do on a daily basis?  Or are you invigorated by each new day?

9.  Do you feel loved and supported by those around you or isolated and alone?  How often do you feel lonely?

10.  How confident do feel that you can cope adequately with a sudden reversal or setback that might come up unexpectedly?  This might be financially?  Career wise?  Family?  A sudden loss such as a death?  An unforeseen illness or natural disaster?

If you fall short on any the of questions above, it may be impacting your mental health.  Ask yourself:  What current obstacle is the biggest stumbling block getting in your way?  Prioritize your needs this way.  If you need a tune up or extra help, seek the aid of a professional.  Sometimes short term counseling is all it takes to get your life back on track.

My mission is to assist individuals in overcoming the stigma of seeking mental health services.  My goal is to help you create a healthier, more fulfilling life while navigating life's many challenges and transitions.  If you need to, we can do that together.

I offer a free 15 minute consult Discovery call to see if we would be a good fit working together. You can message me directly here or book an online appt. at the link on FB below:

Book an Online Appt. Here

The Living Large Blog features articles, resources, and links on personal development, psychology, spirituality, healing tools, healthy cooking, poetry, and inspirational writing. See links.

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As always, please share your comments and insights.  

Make your mental health a priority today.

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Nightly Healing

Healing as a Meditation Practice

Before I go to sleep each night, I meditate - a healing meditation for certain people I know who are in need of healing.  You may not even know that you're on my secret list or you might be a close friend or associate or maybe someone I've had conflict with.  I do this practice nightly to offset the constant negativity of the news, politics, or disgruntled individuals I may encounter.

It is my choice to decide how I project my thoughts and intentions onto the world and no one can take that from me.  At the end of the day, it is my choice to bring thoughts of healing to my unconscious mind, instead of fear and agitation about things over which I have little or no control.  The World will be what it is, with or without me.  But the mantle I choose to carry with me in my being is my sacred possession and I alone am responsible for that energy.  My secret meditation list remains that, my anonymous gift to myself and others that keeps me free of the toxic negativity that can be so damaging in the World.  Try it.  I guarantee you will garner some amazing results.



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